Faith in Grief

There has not been a new post on “Do You Really Believe?” in over a year.  The man, my husband, who created this blog fought a valiant fight against a deadly brain tumor, and today is the first anniversary of his death.  His fight for life was never selfish; it was honorable. It was an example of faith so strong that all anyone around him could do was admire his love for God and others.  Bill knew that God was in control of whether he lived or died and was at peace either way.  He mourned for those who did not know Christ more than his imminent death.  He did everything he could to carry his family through this crisis because again he was a selfless man.

Bill started this blog to help others grow in their faith and yes, more than anything, Bill really did believe! Surrendering to God’s will in all that he did was Bill’s one true desire for himself and his family.  This is the desire we should all have in our faith.

I do not write these words because I idolize a dead man, I write them because I want people to know that no matter what they face, “God’s plan is perfect and God’s timing is perfect.” These words are hard to accept sometimes but they are true.  My family has lived through some rough days during Bill’s illness and death, which have caused me to wrestle with the sovereignty of God’s plan and timing over the last year.

These feelings bring me back to the name of this blog and I have had to ask myself several times on this new journey, “Do I REALLY believe in the God of this universe?”.  When I define the word really (“actual, fact, truth”) it even puts more weight on this question.  Do I think it is fact, truth, and actual that God exists? Even amidst my doubt, the bottom line is yes!  I truly believe that God does exist and I could not walk this journey called life without Him.  But that does not mean I do not have and will not doubt God during my lifetime. Crying out, asking why, grieving, and mourning are found throughout the Bible. I read in a devotional recently that doubt is not the opposite of faith, but rather the outworking of faith.

Without my faith in God, I could not have walked this journey I have been on the last 3 years.  We are all going to go through suffering in our lives, but why try to handle it alone when there is a God who cares for you and wants to carry you through the tough times.

Have you surrendered your life to God?

Do you REALLY believe?

2 Peter 3:18 (NIV)
18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.

Isaiah 40:28-29 (NIV)
28 Do you not know?  Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Revelation 21:4 (NIV)
4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

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5 Responses

  1. Grace Kynast

    Dear Toni, thank you for sharing this authentic message. You and your family have been generous to minister to others by sharing your journey, the struggles and the reassurance of God’s deep love and purpose acting, even though it’s sometimes beyond our comprehension. You are honoring God (and Bill!) by your faith, though it may feel like walking through the dark in baby steps. Love and prayers! -Grace

  2. Debbie Sanders

    Perfectly spoken. Josh’s video makes me cry every time. I know Bill is surrounded by joy, and would be so proud of all of you and how you honor him and his life’s mission. Much love to you!

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